A cautionary winters tail!

This year’s early snow has brought back  painful memories....

Late last year short on daylight, we opted for a quick slog up Grade 1 Banana Gully on Y Garn. A crappy start, was topped out nicely finally cruising through a firm cornice into brilliant sunshine. We decided to troll off via Y Lymllwyd ridge off Foel-goch, towards the mushroom garden.
The wind starts to pick up and a big heavy pink cloud starts to edge its way down the Ogwen valley, i reckoned it will be about 20mins before a bit of nasty winter weather slams into us. Late in the day and not particularly relishing  an argument with nature, we turned off the ridge and headed down into Cwn Cywion. 20mins later blizzard conditions and zero visibly, not too bothered as it would probably only last about half an hour at the most. At this point however i started feeling a cold spot breezing around the trouser area, pretty obviously i forgotten to fly up after a comfort break but i didn’t particularly want to stop so carried on for another 10 mins...... actually yeah, it was getting a bit cold i better sort it out, fumbling around i couldn’t get hold of the dam zip with the gloves on. Anyway the zip was down so in might as well have another comfort break before battening down the hatches again.
Cold and anxious at this point the tragedy happens. Take your time in these matters is the lesson learned. One vicious tug up brings the first burst of searing pain, (like no man should suffer) sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, bu**er, bu**er ~!@FFFF.....iiiiieeeeeeeeAAAGHH!.OK deep breaths Calm, calm... take your time examine the damage... i don’t want to, i don’t want to...got to, got too.
Peeking down, yes the worst had happened, the bird had been half out the nest during the zip up. And rump of PINK is showing through the closed zip. OK not so bad i haven’t actually cut the dam thing in half but what to do next. This situation is not in ‘Langmuir’ as far as i know, unless there has been a late appendix. Ok then ill finish zipping up and try and sort it out later. Two or was it three paces persuade me that this wasn’t the solution. Ha Ha haaaa! I’m delirious, how the f**k did i let this happen.

As the weather had been so foul i’d taken the precaution of roping up with a fig8 round the waist so we wouldn’t get separated in the whiteout. There was a fair amount of rope paid out but we weren’t on much of a slope so i guessed that as i had stopped then so had my climbing partner too, a few meters away but not visible. 

Anyway, this is my problem and i have to sort it out, Andy Kirks had his epics and this is mine. One thing’s for sure, THERE IS KNOW WAY I’M CALLING MOUNTAIN RESCUE.
Holding onto this one tangible and unassailable resolution i realised that i had to make the ultimate decision..... NO NOT GET A KNIFE OUT AND CUT IT OFF you idiot. The logical conclusion is that I now have to retrace the process that has led to the damage. It will probably be a bit like pushing a broken bone back though the skin or even bashing a dislocated shoulder back into place. Nooohh it will be worse than that.
I take some comfort in assuming that the cold like a local anaesthetic has numbed the affected area. The brave moment arrives, grabbing the zip with one hand and the top of my salopettes with the other, I start to reverse the sequence. HANG ON, HANG ON STOP! How fast should i do this, quick like taking off an elastoplast or slow, the cowards way. It’s gotta be quick then, the way of the warrior. OK set up ready again...... take a breath.....take another breath and 123.....WAIT STOP!!!!! am i going on three or that bit just after! Decision made I’m going on the bit just after, take a breath 123 ‘THE BIT JUST AFTER’ and iieeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEFFFFBKAAAAAAAAAGHHHH!
The cruel calm before the pain receptors kick in ends, and my tears are instantly frozen.
Seconds later my climbing partner casualY arrives with the opening lines of ‘sup’.. SUP, SUP WADDAYAMEAN SUP, I’VE JUST EXPERIANCED THE MOST PAINFUL THING KNOWN TO MANKIND AND YOU SAY ‘SUP’. I realise that i may have overreacted and briefly explain to my climbing partner ‘she’ my wife, what has just taken place in the last five minutes, that seem like hours. Concern lasts a brief second before she is convulsed in half a is now pi***ing herself laughing. ‘Let’s have a look at it then’ she says, NO i say it’s never coming out again EVER.  I indignantly stomp off into the now clearing storm, trip over the rope and fall face down into snow. AAAGGGHHHH echoes around the Cwm for the third time.

Time is a great healer....